Midlife and Empty nesting
Menopause, midlife and sending your children out into the world
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You can change your life by this time next year.
After spending almost all of my adult life just letting life happen to me, I have made a conscious choice to change that. I am in charge of my life and I will be intentional about the changes I make and the end results that I want to achieve.
I started 2024 with a mission to find my purpose. I read and then I read some more. I started taking classes again (turns out I am a better student as a 52-year-old). I discovered my “why”. When people used to say that, I never understood what that really meant.
I spent a huge amount of time just sitting with my failures and accepting the things that I could not change. I took a look at my life and all the things I have to be grateful for. The blessings that I have, to start with, my children. There are no words to describe the love for a child. I am I am so incredibly lucky to have 4 of them. This is my “why”. I feel like since the first moment I held my oldest son, I was overcome with my new responsibility and I embraced it with my whole heart. About a decade ago, I got won the lottery and got to add a bonus son and my best friend to my life. It is hard to argue with the blessings I have been given.
Fast forward 30 years and I am finding myself staring at an almost empty nest. It scares me beyond words to not have the boys relying on me, asking me questions and being my company every single night. I know that my job as a parent is to raise them with strong enough wings to fly away. It’s just a very hard thing to do, letting go.
I knew I had to try and rediscover the person I was meant to be, beyond a parent. This is what brings me to this post. In my search I stumbled on a few things that have become invaluable. One-word– Podcasts. I had never before listened to a single one. I, for some reason I had the misconception that they were all news related or purely educational. Boy, was I wrong.
It has been amazing learning from and following these incredible women and I would not be doing my part if I didn’t share them with all of you. I was going through a very very difficult situation in my life and this first woman came into my life exactly when I needed her. My good friend Kelly, suggested I read this book right here. Just click on the photo below to begin your journey to a healthy love for yourself.
There are a couple of books in this series and both are fabulous. She is a very relatable, real writer that I connected with right away. She also has a website and podcast that are worth following. These can be found for free on YouTube.
Near the end of 2023, I was introduced to this next strong woman. By, no surprise here–my friend Kelly. She told me “You need to get some Mel Robbins in your life” Well darling, you were 100% correct. This was my very first podcast I had ever listened to and it changed my view on life like I can not describe. I then found her books that she published like these below. Just click here to find all of her content. You will not regret “getting a little Mel Robbins in your life” too.
If you are instead a fan of audible books–here is a treat for you. I would put on my headphones, turn this on and walk every morning. I came home with new drive, excitement for my life for the first time in years.
We are coming to the end of another year and during this very busy hectic month, take some time to treat yourself to some self-love. If you combine this with the Hygge lifestyle I talked about in this post. You can start 2025 off right with a new sense of peace and intention.
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Intermittent Fasting and the Menopause Middle.
I spent the first 40 years of my life very fortunate. I could (and would) eat whatever I wanted and not gain a single pound. Then, like a tornado, the onset of menopause. Now I would love to not put all of the blame on menopause. I have not been the kindest to my body. It turns out I’ve let the Western Diet (fast food, artificial chemicals on or in nearly everything) take over my life. Have you taken a look at an ingredient list lately? Very likely there will be many ingredients that you cannot even pronounce. In 1958, the FDA introduced a program called GRAS (Generally Recognized as Safe). This is the program that these chemicals fall under. An example of one of these chemicals would be MSG. These chemicals will stay on this list until we discover they are dangerous. Partially hydrogenated oils were once on this list. In 2015, it was removed when they ruled they were no longer safe to eat. The FDA reduced the amount of trans fat allowed into our foods. By labeling food either low fat or fat free it led us to believe that we should feel good about picking up these foods. When in fact, we are all collectively gaining weight. This led to another problem by reducing the amount of fat they were left with another problem—flavor. So, began the creation of the litany of chemicals and artificial flavorings that then has gotten mixed in, sprayed on or any other means necessary to fix the zero fat/zero flavor issue on their hands. It also increased the amount of sugar in these foods.
If you want more information, you can read this consumer reports article.
I believe there are many factors at play here that have contributed to this unwanted middle section of my body. I have been researching in so many different places. And there are an unbelievable amount of information it’s overwhelming.
There are so many schemes out there to get you to get out your credit cards and be sucked into the “lose 20 lbs in 30 days” wormhole. Perhaps buy these gummies and you just need to chew 2 each morning and find the weight just falling off, like Oprah and Garth Brooks (heads up, they didn’t actually use this method) You name it. I’ve been sucked into all of them.
When I turned 40, symptoms weren’t drastic they snuck up on me like a secret shadow. Night sweats here and there, brain fog, exhaustion for no reason, and man was I crabby; like I couldn’t stand myself. Then I noticed that my clothes didn’t fit me like they used to. Turns out I didn’t accidentally shrink everything in my closet. I was blaming it on the stress of the Covid lockdown, the sudden start to my homeschooling career and complete lack of social interaction.
I fully believe that all of these things played a part and I didn’t realize it until I had gained 30 lbs and my body was stiff and inflexible. I couldn’t do things that used to be so simple, like bending down and standing back up. It sounds crazy. If I could have seen my future self and known what was coming maybe I would have taken steps to avoid this long road I am now beginning. I didn’t realize just how drastically that menopause would change my hormones. We all have survived the “time-of-the-month” hormones and mood swings. Well, menopause takes these to a whole new level. I have looked at many different approaches and talked to many people that have tried some of the more popular methods out there. Keto, Vegan, Mediterranean, powders, supplements, yada, yada.
I stumbled on this incredible book and countless videos of Dr. Mindy Pelz. She is the author of The Menopause Reset, The Reset factor and Fast Like a Girl.
All of her books are available here
All of these questions I have, it turns out may be answered with the process of Intermittent Fasting, or IF. The studies she has done and the science behind it is extremely fascinating. I am embarking on her 30-day reset to test her theories. I am praying that this is the answer I so desperately have been looking for.
As far as the menopause mystery goes, I feel like I may have come out the other side of the dark place that it became for me. It is no joke; it turned me into a person I did not recognize. The best way I can explain it is this—It’s like it took my brain and my body, put them in a blender, ran it on high for a minute and poured me back out and said “here you go, good luck!”
If you or someone you love is dealing with the same issues, if you have been through it and would like to share any advice, please do so. I believe it is something that needs to be talked about. We as women should not have to travel through it alone. You can check out Dr. Mindy’s website here. Or catch up on her YouTube channel here.
